The Answer Was No

I didn't want it enough, I didn't enjoy the process. I don't smoke pot very often anymore, and things didn't work out with the girl.

I'm much happier now, focusing on something I've always been naturally good at, and things have been going very well. Making the almost the same as I ever got paid as a mechanic - 4 months into the job.

Unless it's really really really really your thing, don't try to be a songwriter. Or do, but don't spend too much of your life on such a dream, you'll have plenty of catching up to do when you change your mind.

I don't regret it (much), but it wasn't the best use of my time.

2016, different year same shit?

Reading my last post I couldn't help but laugh. I'm currently in my second year of study, really I'm studying audio production, but I also do a performance paper on guitar. Currently I am baked, sitting here deleting all of my games that somehow I managed to reinstall over the break, typical.

I've done bugger all singing and songwriting since I began this course, the workload of songs to learn and audio assignments keeps me away from that. I'm learning so much musically, all sorts of music theory stuff, I have written one song using a mode of melodic minor (basically you end up with very strange chords, compared to pop music at least). I have huge doubts about ever becoming a songwriter, but I do hope to find some sort of rewarding employment within the music industry that will still allow me the time to write, even if it's just for me. I'm picking I'll be back to fixing cars in no time once the course is finished, temporarily I hope.

In regards to the girl I met, we're still together, will be coming up on a year soon. Out of any girl I've met/been with so far in my life, she's the most likely to be 'the one', if such a thing exists. Time will tell, I have no idea where I'll head next, but it'll be new and exciting.

Now, back to deleting those games!

The Problem is Me.

So I quit my job. My income consists of student allowance and the occasional day at a garage (getting paid $7 an hour more than I used to too). It's half one in the morning, I'm baked, deleting all games off my computer. Minecraft, Diablo III (and II), Doom and everything I bought on Steam. I spent my holidays fucking about, with the odd bit of music practice thrown in. I have an assignment due in a little under a week. Two weeks off and I finally made a start on the last Friday, the problem is me.

I'm quitting video games. Well, at home anyway. Diablo III has a nice little feature that tells you how many hours you've played a particular character that you've created. Moments ago I went through and got rid of hundreds of hours work.

I need to spend that time living music, when I close my eyes and daydream I don't want to daydream about computer games, I want to daydream about music. This is likely the only time in my life I'll have the opportunity to spend a large portion of my day working on music and I've been wasting so, so much of it doing something entertaining but pointless.

From tomorrow I don't allow myself that comfort, it's all to easy smoke cone, chuck on a movie or a game and immerse yourself in whatever you want.

On another note I've started trying to use nicotine to help maintain focus. It's in gum form at the moment but I have patches to try then if it works I might get a vaporizer.

I've also met a girl...

Distractions

All too often I find myself being distracted. It helped when I got rid of TV - but with the internet when I get hooked on a series I can sit there and watch as many episodes in a row as I want. Sometimes that seems so much easier than sitting down and writing a song. Computer games don't help either, I keep telling myself I'll just beat this game, I'll just finish this level, I'll only play for an hour. And then life just seems to want to get in the way.

It's time to put some sort of a routine in place, I did something similar with guitar, I was practicing so much I gave my self something similar to carpel tunnel. I was sticking to it so well until I met someone. That didn't work out, so here I am with so much free time that I waste on things that just aren't important. There should be no excuses. Back to it, I have to get back to it.

Well, can I?

Wait... are you asking me?

I'd hope not, I'll preface this by saying a couple of things.

I am not an accomplished, successful, prolific, or even talented songwriter - I have no idea what I'm doing. I am however planning on leaving my job to go back to school. To study music. I left school 7 years ago to be a mechanic. I feel like there's a high chance I'm not quite as smart as I thought I was.

So... maybe you're wondering what will even be on this... blog. This will be a diary of sorts, I'll document my success/failure, what I'm doing to work towards my goal (being a songwriter, making some sort of living off of it) and anything potentially helpful I learn along the way. This is mostly just somewhere for me to vent, but maybe I can inspire some people to go for their own aspirations as a songwriter, or maybe I'll put some people off - who knows - I hope you make the right choice for you.

History. I had a penchant for Michael Jackson when I was very young, also collecting the "2" channel two symbols from newspapers and magazines. The green and orange Christmastime ones were the most exciting. I still remember the feeling in my stomach when I looked at them now. I played a lot of computer games. Musically next I remember Linkin Parks Hybrid Theory (insert cliche they're not as good anymore" remark). I had that in a friends cd walkman on repeat, in my room by myself, while the other kids were playing with each other on a primary school field trip to an island. It was an overnight trip, Stewart Island. It's about as tropical as you'd expect an island named after someone called Stewart to be. But apparently there's kiwis there. After that it was Eminem. In a big way. Then I went through a phase of anything with a lot of bass to make my car speakers vibrate your whole body.

Aside from writing immature, foul, pre-pubescent parodies to Meteora and a tiny, tiny attempt at being a rapper, on a forum, in text form music was never a goal. I never took it in school. I never learned an instrument or even had a desire to. Years go by, I get into cars because they're exciting and The Fast and the Furious was the best thing I had ever seen, Need for Speed Underground comes out, I get my licence, I tape my air filter open so my car sounds louder and show it off any chance I get. I chose an apprenticeship as a mechanic over a job fixing computers. I spend countless dollars on car-.

I'm about 20 by now. Binge drinking is the norm, it's gotten to the point two or three nights a week on a row at the end of the week is actually a possibility. Up to this point I'd been anti-drugs. I'd broken up with girlfriends because of weed. Well. I used that as the excuse a couple of times anyway and I even turned it down from mates whenever they'd offer. You can see where this is going. Sitting on a couch, experiencing being body stoned (I'm not actually sure that's a legitimate thing) for the first time and watching The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Live at Slane Castle. It was about this time I bought a guitar, he was just pushing different parts on some strings and a bit of wood - I could do that. From that guitarists solo work I discovered a desire in me to make songs. I don't know if it was just the drugs, but his music was the only thing I listened to for maybe a year. For the last four or five years his music has been my favorite. That was where my journey started.

Well. That's enough for now, I'm beat. I hope I stick to this.